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How Other-Centered Sex Can Transform Your Lovemaking

It sounds counter-intuitive, but sex is best when it’s not about us.


Of course, that’s only true when it’s a two-way street. It’s about both people serving one another. This is when intimacy intensifies, when relational satisfaction skyrockets and when a sense of safety leads to greater exploration.


It’s called other-centered sex, and it’s all about generosity.


Sex isn’t meant to be one-sided, with one person giving and the other

receiving. It’s meant to be an act where two people seek to love generously, by putting each other first. Sexual intimacy can be a place of mutual satisfaction where each partner priorities their spouse’s needs and pleasure.


Generous sex is willing to give, even if you don't feel like receiving. Generous sex is when both of you go out of your way to meet each other's needs. Generous sex is giving selflessly to honour and place value on them, bringing out their best.


The way to relationally satisfying sex? Take the focus off yourself and put it on the other person.


Flowers and candles

Here are some ways to create generosity in the bedroom:


1. Give without agenda. 

Real, authentic generosity is when your partner's needs are your priority. You learn to love your partner the way they want to be loved, not the way you think they should be loved, touched, and satisfied. Giving without agenda means you don't play a 'tit for tat' game or keep a relationship (or sex-score) card. When both of you are willing to give more than you receive, sexual fulfilment and happiness can happen.


2. Frame your words with generosity. 

If it feels good, tell them. Giving generous, positive feedback is a fast-track to building your partner’s sexual confidence. Compliment what you love about them, what you find attractive and how they make you feel.


3. Prioritise Energy for Your Partner

Your partner deserves more than tired leftovers at the end of a long day.


With a lack of time and energy, it’s easy to opt for the ‘quickie’ to just get it

over and done with. Sound familiar? There’s a place for quickies, of course. But it shouldn’t be your approach to sex every time. Switch things up! Plan for sex when you have lots of energy, when you can give them your best…hello morning or weekend sex! Lengthen the connection by going on a romantic date, getting dressed up and building the anticipation.


Kids making it hard to find the time? Try TV time for the kids with a lock on the door.


Extend and reignite intimacy by sending the kids off to grandma’s for a

sleepover, or invest in your relationship by staying at a luxury hotel for a

weekend. 


It all takes effort, but it’s worth it.


Generosity in sex that involves your thought, time, and effort shows your

partner that you are invested in them, and in keeping your relationship fresh, creative, and fun!


When you’re both generously valuing your partner’s needs above your own, the result is a new level of intimacy and fulfilment.


Simply put, generous sex is the best sex.

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