3 Myths About Female Sexuality in Christian Marriage

Who Do You Talk to About Sex?

Is it a topic you have someone you can chat about, or is it the conversation you'd rather dodge entirely?

Growing up, I didn’t have conversations about sex, dating, or relationships with my parents. It was one of those things I had to figure out on my own as I stumbled through life. Sex seemed like something you kept hidden, so I had no language to talk about it. Awkward, embarrassed, excited, and ashamed - I wondered why sex is such a confusing topic for Christian women.

How could I have a healthy, intimate marriage if this is how I felt?

Why Talking About Sex Feels So Hard for Christian Women

We live in a highly sexualized society where sex is everywhere - in media, advertising, movies, and on our screens. Yet, in the Christian community, it remains a taboo topic. We often feel awkward, embarrassed, excited, disappointed, or ashamed when it comes to intimacy.

You might even have thoughts about sex in your marriage that you keep to yourself.

• Is it okay for a Godly woman to enjoy sex?

• Why do I feel awkward being intimate?

• Am I good enough for him?

If you’ve ever wondered these things, you’re not alone.

Whether you grew up in church or were raised in a Christian family, you’ve likely encountered religious teachings that shaped your sexual mindset - how you think and feel about sex. These teachings often create myths about women’s sexuality and sex in marriage.

Common Myths About Women’s Sexuality and Sex in Marriage

1. Sex is for your husband.

   
   

2. A wife’s duty is to take care of her husband's desires.

   
   

3. A godly woman shouldn't have sexual desires or want to enjoy sex.

These myths perpetuate silence around women’s sexuality, their needs, and the goodness of their bodies. When silence prevails, shame reigns, causing us to hide and suppress the beauty God created in our sexuality, a gift meant to be freely given and received with awe and wonder.

This silence creates barriers for women to embrace their sexuality and express themselves freely and confidently in their marriage.

Why Women Struggle to Embrace Their Sexuality

Women often find it hard to get in the mood for sex, treating it as just another task on their to-do list. We’re tired from caring for kids all day, stressed by our careers, and don’t know how to switch off and be present.

Underlying all this is our discomfort with our own sexuality.

• Is it okay to enjoy sex?

• Is something wrong if I have more desire than my husband?

• Why do I feel embarrassed or ashamed to enjoy pleasure with my spouse?

This mindset can impact a woman’s ability to desire and enjoy sex.

Enough Is Enough: It’s Time to Break the Silence

Women shouldn't miss out on the beauty and wonder of their sexuality in marriage. We need to break the silence, address the taboos, and normalize the idea that women are sexual beings too.

Speaking Truth to Myths

1. Women Are Created as Sexual Beings

Growing up around boys, I often heard how guys talked about girls, leading me to believe that all a guy wanted from a girl was sex. The myth that ‘sex is for your husband’ misses the whole point - it involves two people willing to share themselves with each other!

God didn’t leave female pleasure out of His design for sex. He created the clitoris solely for pleasure. Both men and women go through puberty, experiencing changes that create a desire for sex. God declares every part of His creation good.

2. Sexuality Is a Gift Women Can Freely Enjoy

Just take a stroll through the Song of Songs. Don’t skip over the body parts mentioned - the breasts, the navel, the lips. The man and woman were equally full of desire for each other and enjoyed exploring each other together.

3. Sex in Marriage Is About Mutual Pleasure

When sex becomes an obligation or duty, it feels one-sided. A healthy sexual relationship is based on mutual respect and pleasure, where both partners willingly consent. Your needs in your sexual relationship include feeling safe, comfortable to explore pleasure, having choice and agency over your body, and having your voice respected.

The Freedom to Reframe Your Sexuality

Women, you can reframe what you believe about sex and how you think about your sexuality. God created you as a sexual being. You can experience the freedom that sex in marriage was intended to give you. The one person not hiding from this truth is your Creator - the Creator of sex, your Heavenly Father!

Ready to take your NEXT STEP?

If this topic resonates with you and you want to take the next step in embracing your sexuality, check out my online course; HELLO LIBERTY.

Hello Liberty is a self-paced, faith-based program designed to help Christian married women embrace their sexual self within their marriage and deepen intimacy with their husband. 

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