In every relationship, whether dating or married, friendship is the underlying pillar. Being a good friend isn’t a temporary role—it's a lifelong endeavour that evolves, enriches, and deepens over time. But what does it truly mean to be a godly friend, especially when it’s easy to focus more on what we expect from others rather than what we can offer?
The Heart of Godly Friendship
In the rush of daily life, it's easy to lose sight of the kind of friend we aspire to be. As Christians, we're called to be a godly friend and extend our friendship universally—not just to people within our close circles or to people we feel naturally drawn to. This means being a consistent friend to people in every area of life, whether at work, within the family, or during casual encounters.
We can be a godly friend to anyone because we are godly people - Christ lives in us!
But we don't need to be close and intimately connected to every friendship we have. We decide how close we want to be with people.
In dating or marriage relationships, we don't ever graduate from being a godly friend to our partners. It's the essence and foundation of our relationship.
Ok, I hear “godly friend” thrown around a bit, but what does it look like?
Key Qualities of a Godly Friend
Loving :
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8, NIV). This isn’t just about being nice—it's about putting others first and considering their needs before your own. We cant love like this on our own, we need the help of the Holy Spirit to help us love selflessly. When we display the fruits of the Spirt, we can show patience through our differences, gentleness in caring for them and seeking peace over creating or entertaining drama Loving like this means celebrating your friends, exercising self-control, and sometimes holding your tongue in moments of impulse.
Encouraging:
Good friends see the best in others and help draw the best out in them. By sharing God's word, praying together, and offering heartfelt counsel, we help each other grow. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing" (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV). Encouragement is about promoting growth in their relationship with Jesus and being a non-judgmental support system.
Reliable:
Friendship means showing up—no matter what, in the good and bad times. We always remember the friend who showed up for us during our challenges and was there to make us feel supported and not alone. "If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up" (Ecclesiastes 4:10, NIV). Whether in celebration or crisis, your presence can be the anchor in your friend's life. Being a reliable friend builds trust, and being trustworthy is a profound way to show love.
Forgiving:
"Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13, NIV). It's hard to maintain friendships with people who write you off the minute you make a mistake. When we hold grudges, we build emotional walls in our relationships that hinder connection. A strong friendship can't be formed this way, just as it can't be built on refusing to take responsibility for your errors.
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and having friends who forgive and support us through our shortcomings is invaluable. Forgiveness and repairing the hurts we may cause each other are the foundation of lasting friendship, allowing us to move beyond mistakes and maintain a supportive bond.
A mutual godly friendship is like sweetness to the soul…
When friendships are rooted in mutual giving and receiving, they nourish our souls profoundly.
Learning and Inspiring: Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. Prov 13.20 We grow through the wisdom of those God places in our paths. Our friendships should challenge and inspire us, helping us grow into the individuals God intends us to be.
Honesty and Vulnerability: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, NIV). These friendships allow for raw, honest exchanges that deepen trust and understanding.
Unwavering Support: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. Prov 17.17 True friends are the family we choose, standing by us without asking for anything in return, especially during the toughest times.
Strength in Unity: Together, friends can face challenges more robustly than alone. "A triple-braided cord is not easily broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12), symbolizing the strength of collective support.
So, if friendships are so important... why do we feel that, at times, they are hard to find?
Perhaps we have some barriers that could be getting in the way of us building these friendships.
Ever heard yourself say…
‘I’m too busy right now to invest into my friendships or to make new friends.’
‘I don’t want to get too close to people…I might get hurt, or experience rejection if they really know me.’
‘I have enough friends, I don’t need anymore.’
‘I have no time for myself, my family, or kids, or church commitments are more important.’
‘I’m an introvert and like being by myself.’
Creating and maintaining friendships isn't always easy. Life's demands, personal fears, or past hurts can hinder our ability to form meaningful connections. Whether it's the mindset that we're too busy or the behaviour of keeping people at arm's length feels safer, these barriers can be navigated by intentional actions and a heart open to God's guidance.
Embrace and Nurture Your Godly Friendships
Reflect on the nature of your friendships, whether its in your dating relationship, your marriage or in your friend at work or university.
Are they marked by mutual respect, support, and growth? Is it mutual giving and receiving or is it more of a one-way street friendship?
Do you bring out the best in each other and spur each other on to pursue God’s best in your life?
How do you invest in your friendships? How do you show the people you care about your support?
How can you be more intentional in being the godly friend you would like to be known as?
Take a moment today to reach out to a friend. Offer words of encouragement, ask how you can pray for them, or simply share your gratitude for their presence in your life. Be a listening ear to your partner, take the time to show them empathy and reflect back what you hear. This can be a way to demonstrate you care and are there for them.
Remember, the journey of friendship is ongoing. Let's cherish and cultivate these godly friendships, for they are indeed a beautiful reflection of God's love.
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